| It's that time of the year where we reflect | | | | sixth time, in as many years, for a teacher |
| and look back at the top news stories of the | | | | in it's twelve student, one-room schoolhouse. |
| year. But, what about those stories that | | | | Here comes the kicker. Frenchboro, Maine |
| didn't make the big headlines? The ones that | | | | is an island ten miles out in the Atlantic |
| were buried on page 97? This is due, in | | | | Ocean. My question here is, who makes up the |
| part, to the fact that many times the article | | | | twelve students? Gilligan, The Skipper, |
| is short on information and many of the | | | | The Professor, The Movie Star, Mary Ann and |
| questions that you would like to have asked | | | | Mr. and Mrs. Thurston Howell? The article |
| go unanswered. | | | | goes on to say that qualifications include a |
| | | | love of solitude and the ability to survive |
| In keeping with the journalistic integrity | | | | harsh winters. They left out one important |
| that I swore to when I took my Oath of | | | | qualification. You must never have seen |
| Hypocrisy, I would like to present several of | | | | "The Shining." The article also says you |
| these articles from the past year and ask | | | | must be able to do without stores, movie |
| those tough, unanswered questions. | | | | theaters, and restaurants. Now, there's a |
| | | | plus. |
| The first article comes from Maryland where | | | | |
| the Assistant Maryland State Veterinarian | | | | So, what is there to do in Frenchboro, Maine? |
| says that racing pigeons from New Jersey, New | | | | The last teacher there said that she is |
| York and Pennsylvania must have health | | | | stepping down to spend more time with her new |
| certificates before flying to Maryland | | | | baby. Okay, now I know what there is to do |
| because of avian influenza. My first | | | | in Frenchboro, Maine. |
| question is obvious. How do you know when | | | | |
| a pigeon has the flu? How do you get the | | | | The next story comes from Hillside, New |
| thermometer under their little tongues? And, | | | | Jersey. A Newark postal clerk was honored, |
| most importantly, do they get charged sick | | | | recently, with a special headstone for |
| days if they don't race? | | | | bravely protecting the mail from going down |
| | | | with the Titanic ninety-five years ago. My |
| Another question comes to mind. How do they | | | | question is, what kind of mail would be on |
| carry the health certificate? Isn't their | | | | the Titanic? A postcard from the ship's |
| just so much room in those containers | | | | gift shop that says, "Dear Cousin Cleo, |
| strapped to their legs? And, what about this | | | | Having a wonderful time. Wish you |
| flu? Can humans catch it? What are some | | | | were...what was that?" |
| of the symptoms? Will I have an | | | | |
| uncontrollable urge to want to leave little | | | | So, there you have it. I'll be keeping my |
| spots on my neighbor's windshield? Will I be | | | | eyes peeled for another selection of |
| found sitting in the park on top of the | | | | interesting, yet pointless, stories in 2008 |
| General Custer statue? These were the | | | | and I won't give up until I have asked the |
| questions not answered in the article. | | | | really tough questions. Now, where was |
| | | | that story about the guy who mailed himself |
| The next story comes from Frenchboro, Maine. | | | | to Latin America in a number ten envelope? |
| Apparently, they had an opening for the | | | | |