| It's that time of the year where we reflect and look | | | | as many years, for a teacher in it's twelve student, |
| back at the top news stories of the year. But, what | | | | one-room schoolhouse. Here comes the kicker. |
| about those stories that didn't make the big headlines? | | | | Frenchboro, Maine is an island ten miles out in the |
| The ones that were buried on page 97? This is due, in | | | | Atlantic Ocean. My question here is, who makes up |
| part, to the fact that many times the article is short on | | | | the twelve students? Gilligan, The Skipper, The |
| information and many of the questions that you would | | | | Professor, The Movie Star, Mary Ann and Mr. and Mrs. |
| like to have asked go unanswered. | | | | Thurston Howell? The article goes on to say that |
| In keeping with the journalistic integrity that I swore to | | | | qualifications include a love of solitude and the ability to |
| when I took my Oath of Hypocrisy, I would like to | | | | survive harsh winters. They left out one important |
| present several of these articles from the past year | | | | qualification. You must never have seen "The Shining." |
| and ask those tough, unanswered questions. | | | | The article also says you must be able to do without |
| The first article comes from Maryland where the | | | | stores, movie theaters, and restaurants. Now, there's a |
| Assistant Maryland State Veterinarian says that racing | | | | plus. |
| pigeons from New Jersey, New York and | | | | So, what is there to do in Frenchboro, Maine? The last |
| Pennsylvania must have health certificates before | | | | teacher there said that she is stepping down to spend |
| flying to Maryland because of avian influenza. My first | | | | more time with her new baby. Okay, now I know what |
| question is obvious. How do you know when a pigeon | | | | there is to do in Frenchboro, Maine. |
| has the flu? How do you get the thermometer under | | | | The next story comes from Hillside, New Jersey. A |
| their little tongues? And, most importantly, do they get | | | | Newark postal clerk was honored, recently, with a |
| charged sick days if they don't race? | | | | special headstone for bravely protecting the mail from |
| Another question comes to mind. How do they carry | | | | going down with the Titanic ninety-five years ago. My |
| the health certificate? Isn't their just so much room in | | | | question is, what kind of mail would be on the Titanic? |
| those containers strapped to their legs? And, what | | | | A postcard from the ship's gift shop that says, "Dear |
| about this flu? Can humans catch it? What are some | | | | Cousin Cleo, Having a wonderful time. Wish you |
| of the symptoms? Will I have an uncontrollable urge to | | | | were...what was that?" |
| want to leave little spots on my neighbor's windshield? | | | | So, there you have it. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled |
| Will I be found sitting in the park on top of the General | | | | for another selection of interesting, yet pointless, stories |
| Custer statue? These were the questions not | | | | in 2008 and I won't give up until I have asked the really |
| answered in the article. | | | | tough questions. Now, where was that story about the |
| The next story comes from Frenchboro, Maine. | | | | guy who mailed himself to Latin America in a number |
| Apparently, they had an opening for the sixth time, in | | | | ten envelope? |