I Remember When

I remember of the hunger in my belly while trying tobrought the family.
sleep at night remembering the taste of rabbits andI remember the water being carried from the well and
hens that my father raised, the vegetables in the notheated on the wood stove to bathe in. Being able to
big enough garden he planted. The berries we pickedbathe only once a week in the steel tub-sharing the
and ate during the day to help the hunger.same water with my brothers and sisters. Wishing I
I remember when the shoes on my feet were toocould bathe in a real tub with running water-using as
small and hurt my feet or to big they wouldn't staymuch hot water as I wanted.
on-shoes that another child had worn out already. TheI remember the man that tried to molest me as a child.
clothes that people had given me, outdated and fallingI remember the loneliness and heart-ache of the
apart. Taking what cloths were left after my sisterseparation of my family-not knowing where my
picked through the hand-me-downs and having only abrothers and sisters were. Moved from home to
thin worn out coat in the freezing winter to wear.home-having to share space, food, and a bed with
I remember going to school and being laughed atother foster children. Being physically abused by a
because we were poor-walking home from school infoster boy in one of the homes-running away to find
tears-having no friends except the immediate neighborhelp.
kids to play with. Wishing that I had dolls to play withI remember the abuse I endured as a young
like the other girls. In the winter, sliding on hills on tireadult-emotionally drained and feeling useless-wanting to
tubes and cardboard-having no sleds.end the pain. Leaving everything behind with no place
I remember being cold in bed at night with only oneto go-no money or food-sleeping in a car-feeling alone.
wool blanket to keep me and my sister warm-the iceHaving to find a new job and making new friends in a
that hung from the nails coming through the roof. Mystrange place.
hands and feet numb from the cold. Getting up in theI remember the beatings in a new relationship and
morning hurrying to get to the wood stove to getcouldn't find a way out. The nightmares I still had from
warm in hopes there would be room for me with allthe past relationship. The guilt I felt with mixed emotions
the others.when I watched him die. Wanting to find someone to
I remember of picking berries in the summer to sell andshare my life and love with-wanting not to waste the
shoveling snow in the winter for neighbors to buyrest of my life.
Christmas gifts-a candy bar for each one. I rememberI remember all those bad times-it made me the person
at Christmas when the few toys I received hadI am today. The thing that is most important is God
already been played with. I remember of eating turkeygave me life-a beautiful gift.
for supper on Christmas that social services had