George Bush's Secrets to Better Golf

Cheat. Lie. Intimidate. These are the true fundamentalsRobert Trent Jones redesigned Augusta National in the
of golf. If George W. Bush shoots a 7 on the par 5 9thlate 1940's. Robert Trent Jones believed that golf
hole and his playing partner Rex W. Tillerson the CEOshould be a no risk, no reward sport. His golf courses
of Exxon Mobil asks the President of the Unitedencouraged daring play. Eminem wrote a song called
States of America what he shot, George W. Bush"The Real Slim Shady" in which he says, "We aint
says "Put me down for a 5."nothing but mammals, well some of us cannibals who
George W. Bush and Rex W. Tillerson are walkingcut other people up like cantaloupes."
down the 10th fairway at the Cape Arundel Golf ClubIn "The Silence of the Lambs", serial killer Buffalo Bill
in Kennebunkport Maine surrounded by 10 heavilykidnaps and skins Kathy Martin, the daughter of Ruth
armed secret service agents. What is Rex W.Martin, the United States Senator from Tennessee.
Tillerson supposed to say to George Bush? "No, I'mThe famed forensic psychiatrist and serial killer cannibal
sorry Mr. President you shot a 7 on the last hole, not aHannibal Lecter gives a riddle to young FBI agent
5?" By the time Rex got the words out he would beClarice Starling which leads Clarice to a rent a storage
gunned down into the dirt. The secret service agentsfacility and the car of Benjamin Raspail, a former
have been given their orders in advance. Lets say thatpatient of Dr. Lecter. Hidden in the parked car is the
Rex actually pointed out the President's error to himsevered head in a jar of Benjamin Raspail. This was
and lived to talk about it. President Bush would merelyDr. Lecter's way of teaching his student to keep his
break into song, with the vocally trained secret servicehead still on the backswing and the downswing until
agents as his back up singers singing "I beg yourthe swinging of the arms on the follow through brings
pardon, I never promised you a rose garden."the head up.
In 1921 renowned golf course architect Walter TravisIt's one thing to tell the average golfer to keep her
redesigned the Cape Arundel Golf Course at 19 Riverhead still. The fact is that a steady head is often the
Road, Kennebunkport, Maine, just down the road fromresult of the movement of other body parts during the
the George Bush seaside compound. George Bush Sr.swing. Twenty thousand American men and women
bought the beautiful home to keep up with theso far have left their body parts in the sands of
Kennedys. Walter Travis said of the Cape ArundelBabylon. Butch Harmon, the former coach of Tiger
Golf Course he designed, "A really good golf courseWoods recently taught Phil Mickelson that the way to
must abound in hazards, and good courses developkeep his head still on the backswing and cure his
good players. Trees are non existent, as they shouldoverswing was to keep his right knee firm and flexed
be, and the wind should always be an ever presenton the backswing instead of straightening it out.
factor on such a course. The greens are real beautiesSomehow Phil Mickelson won 30 PGA tournaments
and will delight the soul of any real golfer." Thisand 2 Masters at Augusta National straightening his
assumes that the golfer has a soul. To make theright knee on the backswing and overswinging under
course more challenging, Mr. Travis placed improvisedthe tutelage of his former coach Rick Smith. At least
explosive devices on several of the cart paths. HeRick Smith didn't have Phil Mickelson hacking balls
was a true visionary.endlessly out of the rough at Oakmont in preparation
It's amazing how golfers tie their entire sense of selfH. for the U.S. Open until lefty developed chronic carpal
worth to the way they are hitting the golf ball. Roberttunnel syndrome and then sending him out to compete
Trent Jones designed the Shady Oaks Golf Course inwith one arm.
Fort Worth Texas, another Bush family favorite.